Silence is Dangerous

Yesterday, I wrote of the importance of finding solitude and a time to be silent before God.  It is a critical component to strengthening our prayer life. Solitude brings us to God and in solitude God brings us into a deeper level of experience with him.   In our busy, noisy world it is important that we can find space to  “be still” and be alone with our Lord.   Today, I want to declare that this practice of solitude comes with a warning.

Before you find that peace with God you may find yourself encountering some unexpected guests.   When I began to create this greater space of silence in my prayer life, instead of immediately finding the peace of God I found myself wrestling with demons.  In solitude you can encounter the dark side. Solitude and silence can bring to the surface inner conflicts, distress, and longings which we have never confronted or perhaps even recognized.  In my time of silence, many of my internal “demons” came a calling.  My negative and self-condemning thoughts, unfinished relational work, raw emotions, unforgiven actions, came to the forefront of my thoughts.  I have learned this is not uncommon during times of solitude.  Remember when Jesus retreated to the dessert, he too was visited by demons.  Spiritual writer Henri Nouwen describes how our initial experience in complete quiet and aloneness with God is likely to feel:

“Solitude is not a private therapeutic place. Rather, it is the place of conversion, the place where the old self dies and the new self is born…

In solitude I get rid of my scaffolding: no friends to talk with, no telephone calls to make, no meetings to attend, no music to entertain, no books to distract, just me – naked, vulnerable, weak, sinful, deprived, broken – nothing.  It is this nothingness that I have to face in my solitude, a nothingness so dreadful that everything in me wants to run to my friends, my work, and my distractions so that I can forget my nothingness and make myself believe that I am worth something.

But that is not all. As soon as I decide to stay in my solitude, confusing ideas, disturbing images, wild fantasies, and weird associations jump about in my mind like monkeys in a banana tree. Anger and greed begin to show their ugly faces. I give long, hostile speeches to my enemies and dream lustful dreams in which I am wealthy, influential, and very attractive – or poor, ugly, and in need of immediate consolation. Thus I try again to run from the dark abyss of my nothingness and restore my false self in all its vainglory…

The wisdom of the desert is that the confrontation with our own frightening nothingness forces us to surrender ourselves totally and unconditionally to the Lord Jesus Christ”. (The Way of the Heart, p. 27-28).

Again Nouwen writes, “The task is to persevere in my solitude, to stay in my cell until all my seductive visitors get tired of pounding on my door and leave me alone”.

We can survive solitude if we cling to Christ there.  Once we push through the initial discomfort and challenge of solitude we can find that it will bring us a deep and soul-full sense of well being that makes the struggle worthwhile.  Our solitude can bring to us the wonderful refreshment of God’s peace, “that transcends all understanding” and “will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus”  (Philippians 4:7)

PRAYER:

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on us when we are in solitude with you. Free us from the chaos inside us as well as around us. May we cling to you who make all things new.